Rethinking Infidelity

I stumbled across this TED talk completely by accident, and the title obviously interested me.  It couldn’t possibly better sum up everything I’ve learned over the past couple of years, in only 20 minutes.  After seeing this, I started reading her book Mating in Captivity.  In only the first chapter, I made some significant realizations that I had been contemplating since I originally found out about my wife’s affair.

I won’t bother trying to summarize since you can watch for yourself, and I strongly suggest that you do.

8 Comments on “Rethinking Infidelity”

  1. loveandwanderingfeet says:

    wow. this has been incredibly helpful. she articulated my struggle perfectly. thanks so much for sharing.


    • My wife and I both got so much out of this. Glad you did as well. You should have a look at her book that I mentioned. I’m just a couple of chapters in but have already gotten some really interesting information out of it. In my next post, I’m planning on relating some of her ideas to our specific situation.

      Liked by 1 person

      • loveandwanderingfeet says:

        i am going to look into it, thanks! sorry about the reblogging mix up. i accidentally posted it to the wrong sight. grrrr. i’m not the most technologically savvy girl. i might just post that video on my blog anyway but give you the credit if that’s ok. I think there are some others out there that would find it super helpful.


      • No worries at all. The more people that can get something out of it, the better.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. loveandwanderingfeet says:

    Reblogged this on and commented:
    this TED talk was so helpful in understanding why oh why in the hell did i do this.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Bugsmetwo says:

    I have read both sides of this TED talk. I do not know which one I agree with yet though.


    • As long as it gives you some food for thought, then it did it’s done its job. I’ve really tried to separate understanding the motivation behind the affair from any justification for it. There’s no doubt that the affair and the lying were wrong, but understanding what led my wife to it has been huge in our recovery.

      Liked by 3 people

  4. I’ve been reading everything I can from Esther Perel since stumbling on her March 2015 TED talk. She is incredibly insightful!

    Liked by 1 person

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