Sex and the Web Site

When you’ve been married for over twenty years, you can identify your wife’s naked body in a photo even if her face isn’t showing.  It was just such an image that finally gave me the definitive evidence of my wife’s sexual affair.  Finding it on a public web site accompanied by a smug comment by a guy bragging about the sex acts he was performing with her though was obviously something that I had never expected.

I’ve discussed in a few posts how I went along with my wife’s claim that her affair, while inappropriate, didn’t involve sex.  Over time, I reached the conclusion that claim couldn’t possibly be true, but I was naively hoping that she would admit it without me dragging it out of her. I knew that we were going to eventually need to confront the issue though because it remained such significant dishonesty between us. My dilemma was that I had given her several opportunities for an admission, but I didn’t have definitive evidence to confront her with. We had plenty to work on in our relationship without getting into a debate.

I’ve worked in technology for my entire career, so I’m more adept than most with computers and the Internet. I won’t divulge the details of how I located the information I did, but suffice it to say that I didn’t use any methods that could be remotely considered hacking. I didn’t access anything that anyone couldn’t have found themselves using a standard Internet search engine. I did start with a critical piece of information that I stumbled on, but I used absolutely no unethical means to obtain that. In fact, the other guy accidentally handed it to me a couple of months after the affair ended.

What that information eventually led me to was a web site that was dedicated to trading of hardcore porn. There were multiple posts each day depicting a variety of sex acts, most shared from other sites but occasionally one submitted by the owner of the site.  Some posts were accompanied by a comment along the lines of “Did this with her last night! Fun!” or “Did this with my GF and she absolutely loved it”. They were stock images, but the owner of the site was obviously using them to illustrate sex acts he was performing with his girlfriend.

I suspected that the other guy was the owner of the site, and my wife was the girlfriend (or GF) that he was talking about. I couldn’t confirm that though until I came across that post that I’m sure he’s now wishing he could take back.  A simple naked photo of my wife with her head cut off would have been bad enough, but in this photo she was lying on her back with semen splattered across her stomach. The caption with the photo made it even worse.

Happy Birthday to me! My girlfriend this afternoon after wishing me a Happy Birthday. (and the first two spurts went over her head!)

You read that correctly, he was bragging about how far he could ejaculate. I assume that skill is a source of pride among the followers of his blog, but it also fit the theme of his other comments.  They weren’t complimentary of my wife as much as they were boasting about himself.  He sounded like a teenager trying to impress his buddies in the locker room.

I scrolled through the site noting any date where he described meetings with my wife and cross referenced them with text messages between us and photos that I might have taken that day. I had assumed the times that she was with him, but now I knew the specific sex acts they were performing adding to my humiliation. One post he made a couple of weeks prior to the photo of my wife corroborated part of the timeline she had given me about the affair, and it perfectly illustrates the juvenile and smug tone that permeated his comments. No photo this time, just extensive text.

OMG
Had an amazing session with my FWB this morning. It’s been a year since we first started communicating and becoming best friends before we ever got down to the love making part! Why you ask? Cause I was out of state and not physically here!

Two and a half hours later she’s cum at least 25 or more times (no I am not exaggerating), and I finally can’t stand it anymore. I cum so hard it feels like my balls are turning inside out!

All I can say is “WOW!”

I had actually become so used to holding back my suspicion of sex that my initial reaction was to not divulge to my wife what I had discovered. At the very least I wanted the control when we would confront that issue, not have it forced on me like this.  It was a completely futile attempt though, and I broke the moment I saw her. I told her that while I had no idea this is how I would get confirmation, I had known for months about the sex. She admitted that she didn’t honestly believe that I had been so naïve as to actually believe the relationship was platonic, but she was also going along with the charade that we had created.

While the site added an entirely new level of ugliness to the affair, I was actually glad the information was out. The sex wasn’t a surprise to me, and now we could confront the affair without dancing around such a significant detail.

At the very least I had to contact the other guy to demand he take the site down. I considered calling him and unleashing my full anger, berating him for his lies that were now fully exposed. I even briefly considered revenge, messaging all of his friends with the address of the site or some other means of publically associating it with him. I ultimately decided though that it was in my best interest to continue to maintain my composure.

If he didn’t feel guilt by my knowledge of the site, nothing I was going to say would change that. My thought was that I could better add to his humiliation by sending him a calm and ultimately condescending message that reinforced my position as the responsible father and husband while he was the one acting with minimal maturity and integrity.

I wrote a long and detailed response to the e-mail that you sent me last December that addressed each of the points your mail included as well as my thoughts about the events that had occurred over the last couple of years.  I chose not to send it though because I decided to instead focus my attention on my marriage and family and repairing all the damage that [Wife] and I had caused each other over the last few years.

Since you saw fit to include some condescending advice in your mail to me though, I hope you’ll allow me to provide some advice to you now.  If you want to keep your affair with a married woman secret, then you probably shouldn’t post naked pictures of her on the Internet.  That’s especially true when her husband makes his living as a computer expert and can locate such resources with minimal information.  It may take some time, but information on the Internet always has a way of eventually presenting itself.

You can imagine the shock and hurt that I felt when I learned that [Wife] had a sexual affair.  But nothing could have prepared me for the moment a few days ago when I found a picture of my wife’s naked body with your cum strewn across her stomach on your blog called [site name].  My anger obviously increased as I read your smug comment that accompanied the photo and then continued to walk through your blog finding the variety of messages about your “girlfriend” or “GF” or “FWB”.  It’s apparent that those are references to [Wife], the woman with whom you claimed to have an innocent and platonic relationship.

I actually knew at the time that you sent me the mail in December that your claim about never having sex was a lie.  I may have been blind for a long time about events in my own life and marriage, but I’m not stupid.  I have tried over the last several months to confront all of the issues facing [Wife] and me in an honest but manageable fashion, and that was a topic that I wanted to wait until I was sure we were ready for it.  Had I known at the time that you were publically boasting about your sexual exploits with my wife and referring to her as your girlfriend (or the more degrading “FWB”), I would have confronted it more immediately.

Be assured that [Wife] and I are the only people aside from yourself who I would think would be able to associate this blog with you, and I have absolutely no intention of sharing this information with anyone.  I also don’t make any judgments whatsoever as far as the content there.  My only issue is with [Wife] being included in it and having to live with the knowledge that a very private and traumatic portion of our life is being used for others’ sexual entertainment.

I think you’ll understand my request to remove the photo of [Wife] as well as any of your posts that could be construed in any way as referring to her.  In case you don’t recall, you posted the picture on [date] with the caption “Happy Birthday to me!  My girlfriend this afternoon after wishing me a Happy Birthday.  (and the first two spurts went over her head!)”.  I think it’s safe to assume that “a tribute to a very special woman” in the title of the blog refers to [Wife] as well, so I hope that you’ll remove that.

The list below details of all of the other posts that I believe were referring to [Wife].  Perhaps there was some other girlfriend (or FWB) that we don’t know about, but I think you’ll understand that we would appreciate these posts and anything else even possibly referring to her in any way removed.  I think that’s the least respect that you can show to our family after being an integral part of so much anguish to us.

I followed that with a list of all the posts that appeared to refer to my wife including the date and accompanying comment. I wanted him to have to confront the embarrassment of his own words.

This time I didn’t have to wait long for his response.  I got it within an hour of sending my mail.

I’ve complied with your request. All photos save one have been removed.

All photos your email listed save one, were not and should not have ever been construed to be about her.

I will reply to your email. I honestly do not know how or what to say though.

You can tell a lot about a person in how they initially respond to an unexpected traumatic event.  He was so used to denying responsibility that his first reaction was to try to convince me that all those comments were about someone else, except for the one that happened to be attached to a photo of my wife.  Rather than finally showing some integrity, he continued to lie and avoid responsibility. It gave me quite a bit of insight into his character, or lack thereof.

He did reply back a few days later as he promised. Just like his first mail to me though, that one deserves its own post.


8 Comments on “Sex and the Web Site”

  1. Yeah Bob and I had to do some digging and pressing of our own to get our liars to come out.
    I think it adds to the hurt that my husband never came clean.
    I wonder if it’s crazy stereotyping but I so badly want an honest man. After this it’s so difficult to see him as a strong, courageous man that I thought he was.
    Now he’s so ICKY CS.. so so ICKY..

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  2. […] Sex and the Web Site → […]

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  3. I feel you should let your wife know about the site and tell her that she is “famous”

    Please go for marriage counselling.

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    • I actually said in this post how I told her about it. She’s also read every single mail that I’ve posted, so there’s nothing that I know that she doesn’t. We were in counseling together, and it served us well as we’ve moved past this affair and are now enjoying a great marriage together.

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  4. hisaffairmypain says:

    I’m so glad you are moving past the affair and have a great relationship now! How did you cope with the images … the ones in my head are bad enough let alone having to see photos..

    Did your wife know about the blog before you told her? I can only begin to imagine how I would feel to have explicit photos of myself online without my permission!

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    • What stuck with me much longer than the one photo were all the smug comments. Anytime my animosity toward him would start to diminish, one of those comments would pop into my head, and the rage would come right back. It’s one thing to have someone commit a crime against you, but it’s quite another to have them brag about it.

      It was over time that I realized that he was far more pathetic than he was evil. How sad must a person be to have to get validation from a bunch of anonymous pervs on the Internet? It’s really quite recent though that I can write about all this without those feelings of rage creeping back in, and it’s now over two years since I found that site.

      My wife knew about the site, but I don’t think she knew the details of it too well. The photo is completely anonymous so it’s not as if anyone would have any chance of identifying her. I’m certainly not diminishing it, but at least he didn’t violate her privacy by exposing her face or name. Her reaction to the whole thing is kind of complex though. Certainly more than I can relate in a comment, and I’m going to be talking about that in my next post.

      Liked by 1 person

      • hisaffairmypain says:

        I’m glad to know the anger diminishes – and you begin to be the person you used to be after time…. I know that I’m not this angry bitter person and I am looking forward to being me again.
        I have the same thing with emails to me from her … when I start feeling less bitter I remember her comments and then it starts all over again – particularly now when I know she is back in our area on the year anniversary to when she came here and really destroyed a part of me with her actions…
        There is no anonymity for us though at least not locally. She told everyone. That hurts a lot too. But then I wouldn’t expect decency from someone like that.
        Tough road hey.

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      • It does diminish, but it can take an awfully long time. I found that web site over two years ago, and it was only recently that I can say that I don’t have those feelings of rage anymore. I know a year seems like a long time, but I’m afraid you still have a ways to go. I can absolutely say in our case though that it was worth every bit of effort I put into it.

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